Voicing support for continuing indirect financial aid to the embattled Arabic terrorist Osama bin Laden in wake of today’s attacks, Bush drug czar nominee John Walters said that “we must continue to enforce the drug war. Without the illicit trade in heroin, today’s attacks would have been much less likely. We must continue to use America’s law enforcement might to facilitate the massive drug profits that result from prohibition.”

Walters explained that bin Laden and other terrorists around the world use profits from black market drugs to help finance their operations, and that without prohibition, black market profits would drop precipitously. “Without prohibition,” said Walters, “those profits would go to R. J. Reynolds or Seagrams, and Big Tobacco already has enough money.” Walters went on to assure Americans that he would continue to enforce the prohibition laws that allow black marketeers to reap their profits.

Asked if he felt that the destruction of the World Trade Center should change the focus of prohibition enforcement, Walters replied: “When I look at these events today, I see a tragedy that could have been much worse. Indeed,” Walters continued, “it should have been much worse, and if we pour more money into prohibition enforcement, we can drive up the price of heroin and funnel even more money into terrorist coffers.”

Walters speculated that with greater enforcement of prohibition, or perhaps more items made illegal, terrorist profits could have allowed the bombing of three, four, or even five targets. “Perhaps with greater black market profits, the terrorists would not have lost the fourth plane in Pittsburgh,” said Walters.

Commenting on the possibility of jail time for the terrorists who used their aid to attack the Pentagon, Walters called the terrorists “heroes, just like murderers and rapists. We keep murderers and rapists out of jail by filling the jails with pot smokers. We should do the same for terrorists.”

Walters closed the press conference by saying that “if we want to keep these terrorists in business, we must continue funding them through harsh prohibition laws, and we must keep the jails so full of drug users that no space is left for violent offenders. This is no time for faltering in our support for prohibition and international terrorism.”