“I’ve learned important lesson from Brexit vote,” President announces. (Official White House Photo by Sonya N. Hebert)

President Barack Obama told the world Friday that his campaign in England for Remain may have tipped the balance in favor of Leave. He added that European Union bureaucrats share in the blame for Britain leaving the European Union.

He also had sharp criticism for German chancellor Angela Merkel.

“Nobody likes to be told what to do, what to buy, who their friends are, and how to live,” said President Obama. “The British people have been complaining to the EU for years that Union has been becoming less of a partnership and more of EU bureaucrats telling member nations—and even member citizens—how to live their lives.”

“The European Union,” President Obama continued, “has become unresponsive to the will of the people. To the needs of the people. Instead of asking for consensus, it has dictated. When the people voted in disagreement with the direction of European governance, the EU cut the people out of the discussion.”

Inside sources tell the Reader that some of the President’s advisors had recommended that Obama blame Republicans and Christians for the sudden shift in favor of Leave. Some recommended blaming the National Rifle Association, whose pro-terrorism campaign in Britain may have exacerbated racism and xenophobia.

But, our sources say, the President told them to “shush”. “European Union bureaucrats, and especially German chancellor Angela Merkel, refused to listen to the people. I’m embarrassed to admit that I occasionally tune out the crowd as well. And you all—you all practically have waffles in your ears.”

The President likened the Brexit vote to the Supreme Court’s refusal to overturn a federal judge’s ban on the President creating new immigration laws without consulting Congress.

“In 2005,” President Obama told the Reader, “European Union bureaucrats followed the same playbook trying to change their constitution. They told the French and the Dutch that if they voted against the changes, they were racist, they would bring back the Holocaust, they were in favor of war.”

But, said the President, both French and Dutch citizens overwhelmingly rejected the proposed constitutional changes.

Rather than going back to the drawing board and coming up with changes the people could support, they went to the chopping block and cut the people out.

That sounds maddeningly familiar to how we passed Obamacare, how we have changed the way illegal immigration is treated, and how we twisted Title IX to allow men into women’s bathrooms and to take their places in school sports.

And how the Iran deal was sold?

“And the Iran deal,” said the President. “We’re going to change. From now on we’ll follow established law, deal openly with voters, and work within the confines of the separation of powers, to ensure that the people’s concerns are properly addressed in the lawmaking process.”