Obama Green COIN: Camp Bastion Marines prepare AV-8B Harrier for Afghani recyclers.

Modern jet fighters, because they rely on similar computer systems to those that Americans are forbidden from throwing into the trash, are filled with environmentally-toxic substances and carcinogens. Some of these substances include dioxin, N-nitrosodimethylamine, diesel fuel, trifluoroacetic acid, trichlorotrifluoroethane, carbon tetrachloride, methylene chloride, perchloroethylene, methyl ethyl ketone, lead, and toluene. There are also a variety of plastics and metals in modern military fighters. But while there are personal computer recycling programs in effect in many states, no such program exists to recycle the unwanted F/A-18C/D Hornet, AV-8B Harrier II, or Bell AH-1W SuperCobra.

According to the White House, last week’s attacks on Camp Bastion in Afghanistan was not the military debacle it appeared to be. Instead, it was an innovative new plan to recycle the AV-8B Harrier by teaming with Afghani insurgents to destroy the unwanted aircraft. President Obama yesterday said that last week’s tests proved the efficacy of the recycling program.

“This is part of our green economy,” said President Obama, “that will create five million new jobs.”

“We are merging our green investment strategy with our counter-insurgency strategy in Afghanistan,” said White House Spokesman Jay Carney. “Remember, according to renowned economist Paul Krugman, the way to strengthen a program is to break some windows. All six of these Harrier jets had windows, and for good measure we asked the Afghani recyclers to break the windows on two more of them.”

Carney added that “it’s the same thing we did with Solyndra. By investing hundreds of millions of dollars in a solar company that we knew was going bankrupt, we created an uncounted number of those five million new jobs. According to Krugman’s calculations, verified by the New York Times fact-checkers, Solyndra’s bankruptcy generated 57% more jobs than it would have if we’d let them go bankrupt a year earlier.”

Carney said that the same was true of the Harriet jet recycling program. “Jet recycling creates jobs both for the Afghani rebels and for the Marine Corps,” said Carney, “all while avoiding the EPA regulations that jet-recycling would require if performed on American soil. It’s a win-win-win situation. We give the Afghani rebels something to do that feels productive. The Harrier recycling program is at the core of President Obama’s new COIN strategy.”

“We’ve already seen 20, 30, a zillion jobs created or saved by this program,” said Carney. “Do the math: a zillion new jobs!”

Carney added that over time, they expect to expand the plan to include more jet models, as well as helicopters and aircraft carriers. They are also considering shipping several thousand Chevy Volts to Camp Bastion.