Law enforcement officials claim that New York’s new ban on using handheld cell phones will be as difficult to enforce as seat belt laws, and subject to the same level of officer discretion. Researchers studying the effects of using cell phones claim the law will be ineffective as a traffic safety device, as most cell phone users will switch to hands-free phones which are just as dangerous. “It’s the distraction that causes accidents, not whether or not you’re holding the phone,” according to Faber College Professor Douglas Neidermeyer. “It is just as dangerous to tune your radio or talk with your spouse.”

According to the law’s sponsor, Felix Ortiz, safety concerns were not the point of the law. “We know that people will continue to talk on car phones. This is simply another tool that police officers can use to stop motorists of color.”

City attorney Michael Hunt agreed. “People sometimes forget that police do not use these laws against them needlessly.” Hunt said that the law would be used mainly to enforce racism. “We may need to arrest some white folks to keep the ACLU off of our back, but we’ll mostly be using this law to harass people we just don’t like.” Hunt noted that they were considering adding the ACLU to their list of terrorist organizations in order to alleviate this concern. They were also considering “stopping any car with an ACLU sticker if we can reasonably claim that they might have been using a cell phone.”

Ortiz said that he expects to expand the law to ban CB radios, car radios, and other musical devices. “We also are looking into the distracting nature of driving with a spouse,” said Ortiz. “We may have to outlaw marriage in the long run.” He said that he didn’t expect people to stop getting married, but that this would be another good tool for police to use to stop anyone they don’t like. “We prefer to outlaw things that people will not stop doing,” said Ortiz, “as this simply makes it easier for police to do their job if everyone is breaking the law.”