New York Times shocked by Thanksgiving video
News media shocked, shocked! to learn that turkeys die for Thanksgiving.
Alaska Governor Sarah Palin pardoned a turkey at a turkey farm on Friday, and the video of the event circulating on YouTube has confused some news sources. The New York Times questioned why Governor Palin would hold a Thanksgiving event at a turkey farm. The editors of the gristly lady were shocked to discover that turkey farms kill turkeys.
The Walkerville Weekly Reader prides itself on being as out of touch as any news outlet, but this one floored even us. We asked the New York Times for a comment. How could they not know that turkeys have to die before they’re eaten?
“You don't understand,” replied the Times editors. “We’ve seen it. We’ve seen it on video. The turkey sandwiches, the turkey pot pies, the roasted turkeys… it’s animals! Turkey is made out of animals. They’re making our food out of animals. Soon they’ll be breeding animals like cattle—for food!”
“As God is our witness,” wrote the New York Times editors, “we thought turkeys were vegetables.”
The editors went on to explain that they meant to use the term “God” metaphorically, and perhaps ironically, but not in any clinging or otherwise bigoted manner.
- Sarah Palin’s Turkey Pardon Massacre
- “Maybe it’s time we all did a gut check and accepted how politics, sausage, and turkey are prepared?”
- Maybe the Gray Lady should eat crow for Thanksgiving
- “I’ll be home with my family for Thanksgiving this year. I doubt that any of us will be surprised to learn that someone killed the turkey before we shoved it into the oven. Maybe the New York Times considers that news in Manhattan, but that only gives readers an idea of how out-of-touch the Paper of Shrieking Hysteria has become.”
- Soylent Green• (DVD)
- “The is the year 2022. Overcrowding, pollution, and resource depletion have reduced society's leaders to finding food for the teeming masses. The answer is Soylent Green - an artificial nourishment whose actual ingredients are not known by the public.”
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