Office of National Drug Control Policy director John Walters today unveiled a new television campaign aimed at bolstering support for the drug war. According to Walters, “too many people support helping sick people. But the drug war is by necessity a war against sick people. We can’t have paraplegics, cancer patients, and AIDS patients showing the marijuana actually helps them.”

According to Walters, the front line in the drug war is not against drug lords or traffickers, but against consumers. “The front line is being fought against paraplegics,” he said. “They are the enemy.” Walters said that he would be bringing the full force of the DEA down on patients.

Walters said he expected the hip new campaign to resonate with young people, “who also don’t like sick people.” Walters added that the ONDCP was considering constructing special holding facilities for incarcerating patients.

The ONDCP released the script of the flagship television ad of the new campaign:

“One Patient at a Time”

All black and white, shadowy, grainy. Video jumps jerkily from frame to frame.

dark polling place, shadowy people voting

“Since 1996,”

parked police cars, abandoned in police parking lot

“nine states have given in to drug dealers”

DEA agents forcing paraplegic to stand. She takes respirator off her face and points to braces and crutches. Agents respond by arming weapons.

“such as Suzanne Pfeil.”

DEA raid on television behind TV newscastaer

“They say:”

pan back to family watching TV newscaster

“The drug war is unwinnable”

police raid on suburban home

“They’re wrong.”

mug shot

“Alan Martinez was a drug user.”

doctor’s recommendation

“He claimed it helped his epilepsy.”

Police removing plants.

“After his arrest, his pot was taken away.”

Automobile crashing into highway railing.

“He died in a car accident.”

“We don’t know he had an epileptic fit while driving.”

“But we like to think so.”

mug shot

“Peter McWilliams was a drug user.”

doctor’s recommendation

“He claimed it helped him keep his AIDS medicine down.”

DEA raid on suburban home.

“After his arrest, we took his pot away.”

autopsy photo, dead man in bathtub

“He died choking on his own vomit.”

black-gloved hand drawing red x across Peter McWilliams’ face in collection of mug shots

“Peter McWilliams no longer uses drugs.”

black-gloved hand drawing red x across Alan Martinez’s face in collection of mug shots

“Alan Martinez no longer uses drugs.”

public enemy number one flier for paraplegic Suzanne Pfeil--standing with respirator, crutches and leg braces

“Suzanne Pfeil we’re working on.”

black screen

“Office of National Drug Control Policy”

“And the Drug Enforcement Agency”

“Winning the drug war.”

fade to crosshairs on hospital entrance

“One patient at a time.”