Democrats Channel Ronald Reagan
“We are not worthy,” cry reporters as spirit of 40th president helps Gore fix percentages.
Faced with a nationwide poll showing that 60% of voters thought the vice president should concede the national election, Democratic Congressman Edward Markey rolled his eyes back in his head and announced in a California drawl that “99.9% of Democrats oppose a Gore concession”. A hushed and reverent Gore and Lieberman announced that Markey often channeled the 40th U.S. president. Reporters asked if this new number contradicted the recent poll’s finding that approximately 25% of Democrats think that Gore should concede.
“This is Reagan Mathematics,” said Gore, “which supercede reality-based data. The poll you mention has a margin of error of about 4%. 25%, give or take about 4%, means that most Democrats oppose concession, therefore 99.9% of Democrats oppose concession.”
While the vice president explained the complex mathematics, Joe Lieberman offered Markey a jellybean, and thanked the ex-President for helping their numbers. News reporters bowed and asked no further questions.
- Bush Wins Election
- Congressman says that 99.9% of Democrats are behind Al Gore. He doesn’t say how far behind.
- Six in 10 Say Gore Should Concede
- Associated Press says that 25% of Democrats are a long, long ways behind Gore and don’t want to catch up.
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