ACLU of Texas executive director Terri Burke unveiled the ACLU’s new pro-slavery campaign in response to Texas Governor Greg Abbott’s call for constitutional amendments to promote individual liberty.

The ACLU has called for the restoration of slavery in the United States, in response to Texas Governor Greg Abbott’s appeal for new constitutional amendments.

“Governor Abbott, as Texas Democrats, we prefer the Framers’ plan. We should not mess with the Constitution,” said Terri Burke, executive director of the ACLU of Texas. Burke continued that “every amendment after the Framers died is illegitimate, and should be repealed. That starts with the 13th, 14th, and 15th anti-slavery amendments, and continues on through the 26th.

“Slavery was part of the Framers’ plan,” said Burke, “and I could use a few slaves myself. There just isn’t enough time in the day to do all the cleaning and cooking I need done.”

Burke clarified that the ACLU also opposes income taxes, which are authorized by the illegitimate 16th amendment. Burke added that “I could use the extra money to buy slaves!”

The ACLU called the 17th and 20th amendments “ill-thought”, and affirmed that “since the Framers didn’t write them, they need to go.”

“And,” added Burke, “there is no way that my slaves should be allowed to vote, so the 19th amendment and 24th amendment also need to be repealed. For that matter, I’d like to have some teen slaves, so the 26th amendment should also be repealed.”

The ACLU executive director did acknowledge that the 27th amendment was written in the Framers’ era, and so should be allowed to stay.

“We’re not ideologues,” said Burke. “The ACLU recognizes that the constitution needed to be improved immediately after signing, but only the Framers themselves should be allowed to make those changes. And they’re dead now. So we Democrats get to keep our slaves. It was wrong for Republicans to end slavery. President Lincoln, the ACLU will see you in court.”